Self-deception at its best

Self-deception at its best.


What is our main reason for living?

What is our main purpose in life? Is it to be happy? How do we get to happiness? What should make us happy? What gives us joy? Or better yet what ideally should give is happiness? Is it the great job? What do we consider the ideal job? Is it the ideal guy/relationship? Why are people so afraid of love and relationship/marriage? i could go on but i will stop here. I have these questions and many more. I think i’m looking at self actualizing. However, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs i need to full fill esteem and self esteem. I dont think i have a balanced self esteem. People’s actions and thoughts about me affects me too much.

Back up a bit and try to follow me please… This whole bit is confusing to me too. i have the job i wanted and worked hard to get and i am MISERABLE!!!!!! I don’t like it one bit. So what should i do? I’m almost 30, should that matter? Age that is? Start over? Sigh.

Oh no, no love life here. Interest? Tell me what you think about this. For several months each time at the club the same guy keep staring. The stare game was well played until one night he approached “may i have your pin?” too toxicated to say how about hi my name is…. Anyway number was given instead and for a month and a half all that leads too was the pin eventually then every day IM. I’m about to give up on this one. See no love here.


Finally my very first post

I created this account a few months ago with a theme in mind. Where is that theme now? No idea. I cannot even remember what the intention was. There are times I had interesting and not so interesting topic to write on, I procrastinate. Procrastination!!! I have done this a lot for the pass two years. When is this going to stop? How do I help this?? This is my daily cry.

Check this. For ONE year, I am going to let the world into my unsound thoughts. The exciting, not so exciting, intrigued and not so intrigued. However, this might interest some readers. Currently my daily life surrounds uncertainty of the unusual female. Or so I would like to think. Welcome to my world!!

Hello All!!!

It’s a rainy day in St. Catherine, Jamaica. Well its been a rainy several days in Jamaica. Yes, I am from the infamous little island named Jamaica. I love my little island. Back to business. We are now under a flash flood warning. I am praying and hoping this does not continue into the end of this week. I have things to do…. (I must admit the rain is the perfect excuse not to feel so bad about my procrastination) and people to meet.

A little about me? I am a part-time Computer Science student and a young professional, working on a small project. To tell the truth I was excited about this project but not so much anymore. Was excited because I would work from home for the first three months which is now running into a year… So you are seeing my dilemma!! Working from home initially meant to me, some more time I can put into my studies, my family and my social life. It didn’t work out that way. For a very out and about, interactive person I am now going nuts!! Secondly, this project was supposed to be a challenge of my business knowledge. Well not so much of a challenge. What I have learned about myself. I am self-sufficient than I thought. Yes, that’s a good thing! Great actually. But the downfalls, I have the time to procrastinate a lot! Enough about my job. Me?? I love food, movies and a good time with friends.

On to business: Day 1

Nothing exciting. I am somewhat on ‘vacation’. Back at my home town, Linstead, St. Catherine, visiting family and friends. The occasion? Funeral for my late Aunty Faye… May her soul rest in peace. **tears** It funny, the two events that brings family together… weddings and funerals. I haven’t seen half of my relatives from my dad’s funeral eight long years ago. But is always good nonetheless to see them, meet new additions to family and catch up. I slept for most of the day. Was looking forward to spend some time with an old friend. Okay, maybe that is a lie. I wasn’t so excited until I realize that would be the only ‘fun’ thing to do today. Well that didn’t work out either. You know what I find strange? Well maybe this is a Jamaican attitude (please let me here the comments). But Jamaican guys are ever so quick and ready to get physical with any woman they find attractive. Mind you, I know this guy from I was about 1 or 2 but I left this community from about age 13. Have been back on short visits, weekends or overnight. And note, I have never seen him any of those times. Now whats really weird about this encounter… oh he cares so much about me he will do anything for me? Now seriously??? lol Dude come on, for last week we hung out what 3 times?? What could you possibly know about me? Now in some way I understand how women come to ‘use’ men. Not that i am going to do that. Sorry but that is beneath me. Not my kettle of fish. I believe in karma. Well besides sleeping and starting my first online diary, I’m just chilling for the day… In rainy Jamaica! Usual start to the summer but it always gets better!!!!

Until then…. enjoy and looking forward to complete this task.

One love!


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